To be better, richer and healthier, I DO IT! But the Other?
IN THE BEGINNING marriage was God’s idea! He had a very specific plan and design to fuse and mold two distinct and unique personalities together until they melded so perfectly that the two became One Flesh. By design, you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. She did it with a purpose. How and why He designed marriage this way is a mystery. But the Word clearly reflects that marriage is a prototype; it is an image of Christ and of the Church. In fact, He said it in Ephesians 5:25: “As husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.”
As the beginning has faded into the distant past, we have shifted our thinking to “ONCE UPON A TIME…” Whether it be a fairy tale or the big screen, beginning with Cinderella when we were barely old enough to discern the story. In reality, an image of marriage has been programmed into our minds. The boy gets the girl and they live happily ever after. As we’ve grown, skilled novelists and screenwriters have picked up the ball and intensified that image on the big screen. Many of us bought into that image when we were younger because we really didn’t want to believe that marriage for us was going to end the same way it had in the parental relationship we watched develop throughout our young lives. Somewhere along the way the idea occurred to us that the image on the big screen was waiting for us and that we too would live happily ever after.
Unfortunately, we don’t live our lives in a story or on the big screen. We live them in the reality of the moment. If a person grows up in a dysfunctional home, without intervention, much prayer, and some education, dysfunction is what it brings to the marriage. The situation is complicated by the fact that people tend to get married when they are very young; the norm is between 18 and 21 years. Many have just come through the turbulent teenage years, where rebellion rages and family and parental relationships break down or are stunted in growth due to irreconcilable differences. From there they enter into a commitment pact for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. If they last that long and the heart of the marriage is not molded by Christ, the dysfunction intensifies and perpetuates, producing untold generations of casualties.
It is evident that the sanctity of holy matrimony is declining. Beyond the courtship and fairytale wedding, the road ahead is treacherous. When a couple starts out in life, money is often tight and it’s hard to cover all expenses with a shoestring. When they start to add children to the mix and financial and emotional weaknesses, the stress at home skyrockets. When that kind of stress overwhelms a man and a woman, aspects of their personality emerge that even they themselves didn’t know existed. At some point they look at each other and wonder: “Who is this person and where is the person I married?”
When that question comes to mind, what are the options available to not only survive the situation but also overcome and push through life’s pitfalls and obstacles? Of course, there is always the option of ending the marriage and getting divorced. When such decisions are made in haste in the midst of a personal or marital crisis, the effects are always devastating. Love is lost, and at a relatively young age, the couple has learned to escape a bad situation rather than negotiate it in order to reach a stronger place of maturity and strength in life.
A more appropriate option would be to follow a two-pronged approach. One or both partners must find the strength to exercise their faith and seek direction in life in the place of prayer. The second step is to seek the wisdom, advice, and advice of a trained counselor or minister. This is necessary because in the midst of marital turmoil, spouses lose perspective and are often unable to tell truth from lies. Intervention by a neutral, trained and experienced third party can very often get right to the heart of the matter. When the heart is revealed and both parties are willing, the healing can begin.
If anything or part of this scenario sounds familiar, let me urge you on with some ideas. You can be sure that stress and problems will come. Do not forget that you love your spouse and the value of the relationship is greater than the intensity of the problems you are currently facing. The issues at hand can be a testing ground, a place to learn and grow in maturity. On the other hand, they could be your downfall. You can control the result. You can take the first step and move towards a better life. The choice is yours!