Relationships: Why do some people have a need to be needed?
While there are people who are not interested in trying to rescue or save other people, there are others who are. As a result of this, some people will be repulsed by these types of people and others will be drawn to them like bees to a pot of honey.
And no matter what kind of people someone is attracted to, this can be normal. What this means is that they won’t need to think about whether or not to go towards them or away from them; this is something that will just happen.
less drama
What is clear is that when someone is not drawn to people they meet as if they need rescuing, their life is likely to be a lot less complicated. They will be able to pay attention to their own needs and be there for others, instead of being consumed by other people’s needs.
This will make it easier for them to function at their best and have enough energy to truly be there for others. Therefore, when they reach out to others, they will not try to do things for them that they should be doing for themselves.
Esteem
The reason they will be able to do this is because they value themselves and feel safe enough to behave this way. Then they can put their needs first, without feeling like they’re doing something wrong.
And since their needs are important, it would show that something is wrong if they felt guilty and ashamed for listening to them. What this is also likely to show is that they have good limits.
a clear line
This will allow them to see where they start and end and where other people start and end, allowing them to realize that they are not responsible for other people. If they did things for them that they should do for themselves, they would probably soon realize that they had crossed their limits.
If this were to happen, they might end up feeling more like someone’s parent than their friend or partner, for example. The relationship would end up unbalanced and begin to diminish them.
An election
This does not mean that they will give something and soon after receive something in return; it all boils down to your relationships not being one-sided. The reason someone is in their life is due to the fact that they want them to be.
The way this person experiences life is likely to be radically different from the way someone experiences life when in need of saving or rescuing others. For one thing, they are likely to spend a lot of time focusing on other people’s needs.
out of touch
Naturally, this will cause them to neglect their own needs, and they might even act like they don’t. So it’s not that they’re out of touch with their own needs; they just don’t have any.
Your needs will have been superseded by the needs of other people; it will be as if they were an extension of others. So they are not responsible for their own needs; They are responsible for other people’s needs.
a focus
So instead of being aware of what is going on inside them and what is going on externally, they will generally focus on what is going on externally. Their priority will be to do what they can to please others.
Behaving in this way will allow them to receive approval and this will have a positive effect on their ego. The downside is that while your ego will be happy with what’s going on, your true self will end up being completely ignored.
The benefit
But while they will ignore their own needs and suffer in the process, their self-worth will be defined by what they do for others. What this means is that they will only feel good about themselves if they are trying to fix other people.
The people in your life will make you feel needed and this is going to be a very strong need. If they didn’t have people like that in their life, they would end up feeling worthless, rejected, and abandoned.
A mask
Someone like this may seem strong and capable; making it hard to understand how they could end up feeling this way if they had no one to save. However, this will just be a false self that they created to keep their pain at bay and receive approval.
Having developed this false self, a false self that would have made them disconnect from their true needs and feelings, will also mean that intimacy is not possible for them. They will not be emotionally available and the people they are attracted to are likely to be in a similar position.
a closer look
When someone behaves in this way, it can show that they had to meet their caregiving needs when they were growing up. This would have caused them to lose touch with their true selves and believe that their value was based on what they did.
They would have gone from a human being to a human doing, and this would have led them to believe that they were inherently flawed. If they did not do what their caretakers wanted, they would have been rejected and abandoned.
Awareness
This would have prevented them from developing a strong sense of self and knowing where they start and end and where other people start and end. Focusing on the needs of others will be a way for them to regulate their own emotions, this being a skill that they would not have developed due to carelessness.
Years will have passed since this happened, but it will still have a great effect on your life. Seeking outside support can be a way forward, and this can be provided by a therapist or healer.