How to be a man women want to dance with
Find out what women want in a dancer
Sometime before writing this article, I conducted a survey of women on my email list dedicated to sharing knowledge about how to improve in partner dance. This survey focused on the problems women have with men when they dance. By observing what women don’t like about men when they dance with them, it’s possible to become a better dancer: one that women want to dance with, not just once, but over and over again. This article will go over the issues raised and talk about what you can do to become a better man in partner dancing.
The results of what the women mentioned as main themes can be divided into two large groups:
- dancing and
- Label
I will go over each one in turn.
Dance
It probably won’t surprise you that the number one issue women raised with men when they danced was direction and second was framing. However, the problems with lead were at the extremes: too soft and too hard (too soft was the most common problem). The problem with the frame was always that it was sloppy. About 25% of women explicitly raised each of these issues. Another issue that could be related to this (although perhaps concentration or nervousness) was what one woman called ‘the death grip’. About 7% of women raised this issue.
The frame issue and steering were definitely the main issues. However, there were other problems that, although small, were interesting and worth knowing about. They were:
- Disregarding a woman’s limitations – trying to make her do things beyond her
- Not using the entire dance floor – when it was a dance that involved traveling
- Not using your whole body
- Kicking woman’s toes – due to bad footwork
- Doing the same steps over and over again gets boring.
So, regarding the royal ball, if a man wants to be better then he clearly needs to focus on his leadership and structure. Both must be strong, but leadership must also be measured. However, a basic knowledge of women’s ability to dance correctly and dance with some variety will also help.
Label
We like to think we have social skills, but it seems like we need to be aware of how the women around us feel. The main etiquette problem was invading personal space when the woman was not comfortable with it. About 25% of women mentioned that.
It also seems that we men are not as appreciated for our efforts to teach as we might think. About 20% of women said they did not appreciate men offering instruction. This was especially the case when the man did not know what he was talking about or was doing it in a social dance setting.
We might do this because of the next most common problem women raise with men when dancing: Arrogance! This was almost as common a problem as giving unwanted instructions. However, about half of the women also mentioned a lack of confidence. So you need to be sure of what he’s doing, but don’t act like you’re doing the lady a favor or better than she actually is. And certainly think twice before blaming the woman for something that went wrong (it sounds like she won’t think it’s her, but that was a small percentage).
The topic of hygiene was also common. It seems like 20% of women have had a problem with it. This included body odor and bad breath. You might think that chewing gum is a partial solution, but that was also brought up as something women didn’t like (but it was only a small percentage). Still, at 20% it probably means we all need to shower, brush our teeth, and take mints before going dancing.
Some other problems included:
- Counting your steps (possibly seen as condescending or a mood killer),
- playing favorites (it’s good to realize that you need to share with yourself),
- concentrating too much on the steps instead of the partner (but don’t think that means she wants to talk; she probably wants to talk through the dance) and
- not listening in class (seems some of us haven’t grown up yet).
From an etiquette standpoint, you can become a man women enjoy dancing with by being confident, but focusing on how the woman feels (and trying to improve it); maintaining good hygiene and sharing while she seriously focuses on being the best dancer she can be.
By following the above to improve your dance skill and etiquette, you will become a man women want to dance with. There are possibly more issues (the survey is still ongoing as of this writing), but the above is certainly a good start.