How to handle a breakup: why silence is golden
If you’re trying to handle a breakup, you’re probably desperate to get in touch with your ex. But if you really want to win them back, resist the urge to contact them. Right now it’s the worst thing you can do.
A breakup, especially one you didn’t want, is an emotional roller coaster. Your feelings are overloaded; you feel hurt, confused and betrayed. One moment you are seething with intense anger and resentment, and the next you are filled with grief and sadness. It’s almost impossible to take a calm view of the situation, but if you really want to get your ex back, that’s exactly what you’ll need to do.
Don’t initiate contact!
Your gut urge may be to contact your ex as often as you can, in any way you can. But if you were to talk to them now, what would you tell them? Chances are you’ll either explode with rage or cry and beg for them to take you back… and either will just push them further and further away. There’s nothing like a confrontation with a hysterical ex to make someone absolutely sure that breaking up was the right thing to do.
Give yourself and your ex time to think
Even if your ex tries to contact you, be strong and simply say that this is not the right time. A couple of weeks without communication will give both of you a chance to calm down and think about your relationship.
There is another benefit to declining contact after a breakup. If your ex took you for granted and just assumed that you would automatically accept him no matter what, this will make him see you from a new angle. There is a good chance that they will start to reconsider their decision to separate.
Don’t talk about the breakup with your friends.
There’s a great temptation to keep going over and over the details of the breakup with your friends, family, or anyone else who will listen and sympathize. This is a big mistake!! You may think that talking about it will make you feel better, but in reality the exact opposite will happen.
The more often you hear yourself telling the story of how badly you were treated and hurt, the more like a hopeless victim you will feel. And the fact is that a desperate victim doesn’t behave with respect for herself, doesn’t make good decisions, and doesn’t get her ex back.