You don’t want a serious, committed relationship because you’ve been hurt before

Sometimes I hear from women who want nothing more than a commitment from the man they love, but find resistance and excuses. A common excuse men will give if they have been hurt before and are afraid of hurting themselves again. This can leave you unsure of how to respond, as well as assuring you that you have no intention of hurting you.

I heard a woman say, “We have been dating for eight months. I love my boyfriend very much. In fact, I would love to marry him. The other day, I asked him if we could talk about our future together and he immediately interrupted me. He shook hands and said, “I’m not ready to commit to a serious relationship because I got burned out so much earlier. I just don’t want to get hurt again. “I tried to get more information out of him, but he shut me down and didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Later, I asked his sister about this. She told me that a couple of years ago, he felt head in love with this girl and got engaged. They were planning their wedding when he found out she was cheating on him. His sister told me that he was devastated and not himself for some time. This is so unfair. Why do I have to Do it? Pay for this other girl’s mistakes? I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but now he’s not committing to me because she hurt him. What can I do about it? “I will address these concerns in the next article.

Just because he’s been hurt before doesn’t mean he’ll never commit to you.: Understandably, this young woman feared that due to the other woman’s behavior, the man she loved would never commit to her. This simply does not have to be the case. If it were, far fewer people would be getting married today. Most of us have had our hearts broken and shattered before meeting our spouse. In fact, many of us swear that we will never again be left vulnerable to this kind of heartbreak, and yet we are finally cured, meet the person we were supposed to be with, get married, and are quite happy.

The fact that her boyfriend said he didn’t want to get hurt again was not the same as saying that he would never marry her or get engaged. In essence, I was saying that I had reservations, but I think they are reservations that could probably be exceeded. Yes, you have to be patient with him and loving while you wait. But often when you do, you will be rewarded in abundance.

How to deal with a man who has commitment issues for fear of being hurt again: It is a very common inclination to want to immediately assure him that you are different and that you would never hurt him. This is not a bad idea as long as you do it in a loving and reassuring way rather than implying that all of this is not fair to you. In fact, I would avoid talking about the injustice of this whole situation, although I fully understand your frustration.

You have to remember that your man did not ask to be hurt by this other woman. In fact, he was acting in good faith and trying to marry the woman he loved. He was acting very honorable and this was not his fault. So you can understand why you got hurt and why you might be reluctant now. And it is very important that you make this clear to him. Do not belittle her feelings, tell her that she should have gotten over it by now or that you may not make a big deal out of the situation. Instead, comfort him, tell him that you understand and that you are very sorry that this happened to him. And then reassure him that you would never act that way and that you have no intention of doing anything other than loving him and making him happy.

After that, continue as you have. Because frankly, you’ve been making him happy. Things have gone well. Yes, you are unsure due to someone else’s actions and this is not entirely fair. But like I said, people get over this kind of pain all the time and move on. Yes, sometimes it takes a while. But often all they need is a supportive person with whom they can have a successful relationship next time. However, if you dismiss his understandable reservations and try to pressure him, he may eventually put you in the same category as the other woman.

Be very careful about your answer and also approach it in a spirit of understanding and patience. Doing so will help you overcome your reservations. And, once you are able to do that, you will realize that there is no reason for you to be afraid of your relationship because it is the one that is going to heal you.

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